Every once in a while, it’s good to see Square Enix isn’t alone in bringing the Japanese premium to mobile gamers everywhere.
Namco Bandai has ported, not one, not two, but three insanely priced apps to the Apple App Store from their insanely popular “The IDOLM@STER” rhythm series.
These titles, previously only available in Japan for the Sony PSP, have been translated to English for all you lonely fans of 2D girls out there. Yes, I’m stereotyping you and that pillow you want to marry.
Unless Namco Bandai is feeling particularly charitable, there’s no way in hell you’re getting a review from us. However, if you’ve $165 spare and a hankering for some rhythm gaming, play Cytus, Theatrhythm, Rock Band, and the hundreds of other alternatives instead.
Here’s how I got three stars in the most annoying stage of Cut the Rope: Time Travel (Stone Age stage 14). To achieve those wacky “in-between” firing angles, just hold the rocket in position with one finger, and cut the rope with another finger. It’s kind of like cheating, and there’s probably a faster way to do this, but whatever. It gets the job done.
Click for a larger image and a healthy dose of referential madness
Guacamelee isn’t just a game about exploration and dimension-shifting luchador madness; it’s also a continual bombardment of posters and billboards meant to passively test your knowledge of internet and gaming culture. While I don’t claim to recognize every little nugget of reference in Guacamelee, many of them I do, and there is a sense of achievement, however slight and fleeting, each time I connect the dots.
If you haven’t already given Guacamelee a shake, you ought to. It’s muy caliente, hombre.
If you’re like me, you’ve long been wondering when Nintendo was going to pony up and create a new Zelda adventure on the 3DS. If you’re really like me, then you’ve been hoping that said game would be presented with a top-down camera angle, because your favorite Zelda adventures — such as the original on NES, A Link to the Past on SNES, Link’s Awakening on Game Boy, and The Minish Cap on GBA — were all experienced from that vantage point.
The over-the-shoulder Zelda series counterparts — such as Ocarina of Time, Wind Waker, and Twilight Princess — are certainly among the best in gaming, but they force you to spend a lot of time wandering around in wide-open spaces, because they had to make room for the camera that followed Link. With an overhead point of view, the level design is much tighter.
Enough of my gushing, though; here’s the reason for my excitement, and I’m sure many of you will feel the same:
What else might we see on the 3DS in side-scrolling or overhead? Castlevania? Metroid? Mega Man? Mega Man X? Sign me up for all of the above.
In this episode of the Delta Attack Podcast, the secret origins of Delta Attack are finally revealed. The result? Not that surprising and, frankly, just a copycat origin story of Netjak. However, we live to tell the tale!
It’s almost as lame as any comic book written by Tony Bedard. Seriously, how does that hack keep finding work but Chuck Austen was a pariah? You comic book nerds know what I’m talking about, or are you still upset that Juggernaut and She-Hulk shared a moment?
Today, we cover a variety of games on iOS, though Guacamelee keeps it from being entirely iOS-centric. Slayin’, Final Fantasy V, and troublesome in-app purchases all come to mind. It’s a hot mess, but you want some of this hotness.
Also, while I can’t prove my opening claim that we’re the only podcast to talk about Pink Jelly Tits, I’d bet dollars to donuts that we are. Pink jelly-filled donuts that you can stick your fingers in and then lick clean. It smells so fresh and tastes like strawberries.